My life the way it is!
by Single-White-RoseS
Summary: 14 year old bella has had a tough life. At 9 she lost her parents. At 13 she was raped and got pregnant. When she meets the Cullens can they make her family? m rated just in case.
1. Chapter 1

Why me? Why did this have too happen to me? That same question keeps bothering me and filling up my head. What had I done so wrong for this to have to happen to me?

Avalon is not going to be happy about this that's for sure. She'll have me into thousands of pieces in a matter of seconds. I could feel my blood go cold through out my whole body thinking about what she will do with me now once she finds out.

I twirl the sharp cold piece of metal blade around in my ghostly pale hands as I think about the damage I could do with it. I push the tip of the cold metal against my finger and put a bit of pressure onto in so the blood comes out. Suddenly it smashes out of my hand and hits the marble tiles by my feet. The fall of the blade echoes off the walls around me.

What am I doing, what am I doing! I mentally scream at myself and panic starts too arise in me. Calm down Bella, just calm down you can do this. I drop the only blade I have down the toilet and flush. I watch as it disappears and is too never been seen again.

Doing a quick check in the mirror I walk out of the disinfectant smelling loo and into the reception area. There where plastic Grey chairs lined up everywhere and a desk with a short-ish lady with a black bob cut hair sitting behind it. She had more lipstick on her teeth than actually on her lips. Her Bright lime green glasses seemed like they were about too fall off her face at any moment with them sitting on the end of her nose. The lady seemed to be shuffling through a big stack of papers. I felt rude to be standing there and am about to disrupt her. Looking around, the place was empty, minus a really old dude whole looked to be past out? Wasn't anyone concerned? Looking back at bob cut lady I could tell no one was concerned about a past out old guy.

Talking deep breaths I slowly crept up to the desk with bob cut lady still behind it with her stack of papers and glasses about to fall of her face.

" Excuse me, miss?"

I seemed to have scared her as she dropped the folder she was holding and made a startling move out of her chair and looked up at me.

"Can I help you?" Her voice seemed kind but she was breathing hard. I wondered if she had asthma.

"I'm...I'm here too see Dr Cullen, miss" I shook out.

Bob cut lady had cards on her desk with her name and phone numbers on it.

Miss Lark.

Miss Lark seemed to reregister who I was and told me take a seat.

I didn't sit, I couldn't so I started pacing in front of the chairs back and forth, back and forth. Looking at my cellphone I had been waiting 3 minutes. It felt like 3 years too me. Looking over at passed out man, he was still passed out.

4 minutes it's been. I finally choose to sit down thinking it might do me better than pacing back and forth. Miss Lark I noticed was now not at her desk but in the office behind her desk talking on the phone.

I tried to get into a comfortable position on the plastic Bundy chairs but I couldn't stay still long enough. With a sigh from me, snores from the passed out dude and Miss's Larks unusually loud voice on the phone a man wearing all light blue finally came out to the waiting area. I looked at him and pleading in my head that it was the passed out dudes time to go see the Dr and not mine. No I wasn't ready to see one yet. I couldn't even sit still let alone think probably so how am I meant to talk to some stranger that iv never meet before in my life?

"Isabella Swan?"

Now or never

I stood up and walked with the man that called my name. I followed him into a dark blue and red room, it was an office. The man told me to sit at the desk.

"Dr Cullen will be with you in a moment" and with that he left me there. Besides the ticking of the clock in the office all I could hear was own heart about to beat its way out of my chest. I was scared!

I tugged at my black singlet I had on. No jersey and it's the middle of winter! I took deep breaths just as I heard the door click open.

"How are you Miss Swan?" Dr Cullen asked me with out missing a beat.

He turned and sat at his desk, vanilla folder sitting in his hands with my name printed on the front of it in bold.

'Miss swan' I feel so old. I never have been called that before.

Dr Cullen looked like a model! He had Light blond hair, Slender but muscular frame. Hazel, kind but gentle eyes. He looked to be about 30, under 30 years of age. He was awfully handsome that was for sure.

"I'm fine, Thanks. Dr Cullen" I mumbled out. I didn't look at him as I said this. I know it was rude but I couldn't. Because I lied. I was not fine! He was some stranger and here I was sitting with him and he was asking how I was. I heard him clear his throat before he started flicking through my folder briefly. He looked up and smiled a genuine smile.

" How can I help you Miss swan?"

There it is again. The Miss Swan. Could he not see how young I was?

"I aww…" I couldn't get my words out right. How was I meant to tell him this? Would he judge me? No he couldn't, he's a doctor he must get thousands of girls like me coming to him about the same thing.

"Miss Swan if you don't tell me what's wrong then how am I meant to help you?" I looked up into his kind gentle eyes. He wasn't going to judge me.

"I"

" I want too give my baby up for adoption" There I finally got it out to the world. I was probably the most horrible-ist person, No horrible-ist mother in the whole world.

"W-h-hat?" Dr Cullen was officially shocked.

"Miss Swan, Is this some sort of joke?"

"No Dr Cullen. It's not a joke."

"B-u-ut Miss Swan you cant be pregnant, you're only 14 years old!"

I know. I couldn't believe it ether Dr. I couldn't believe it ether,


	2. chapter 2

Dr Cullen stood to the side of the room while another doctor, Dr Molly helped me up on the white, uncomfortable bed. She made me pull up my top so she could see my belly and told me to remember to keep breathing.

Dr Molly put cold gel stuff onto my wee baby bump and held a small hand device which she told me is called a transducer. She moved it all over my belly.

I was scared! When I told Dr Cullen what I wanted to tell him he immediately took me too see Dr Molly to get a scan done. I never had been to a scan. I only reason I new I was pregnant was because my period never came for 3 months.

"And that's your beautiful baby's heart beating you can hear" Dr Molly's voice brought me back out of my head. I could hear the sound all right. It sounded like soft baby galloping horses. It was a musical sound. Dr Molly was looking at the wee screen, which I knew had a picture of my baby on it. I didn't want to look. I was scared and after my session with Dr Cullen I don't think I deserved to look at the precious wee angel that was growing in my tummy. My tummy

"Aren't you going to look at your wee baby Miss Swan?" Dr Molly was smiling at me. She was actually smiling at me. Who in there right mind would smile at some knocked up 14-year-old getting there first baby scan?

I know I sure wouldn't.

I wondered then if Dr Cullen had told Dr Molly what I told him earlier. By the way she was smiling at me I think not.

"No" I turned away from her as I said this. I was a horrible person.

I was a terrible mother. What mother would not want too see there own child? I mean it wasn't the baby's fault.

Salty tears made their way down my pale checks as I stared at the grey, blue, white specked floors. The whole room went silent. Dr Molly had even made my baby's heartbeat un-hearable now. She wiped the gel of my belly silently. She didn't say anything else to me. She talked to Dr Cullen out the door thought. Dr Cullen told me he would be back for me in a few minutes.

A few minutes were a very long time for me. I could do anything with in a few minutes.

"Miss Swan, Come with me"

I wiped my face with the bottom of my singlet and followed Dr Cullen out the door back into the dark blue and red office. I sat down in the black leather set that I was sitting in earlier and started fiddling with my nails. Trying to distract myself from looking into his face.

" Are you sure you want to do this Miss Swan?"

"Please call me Bella."

"Mis-Bella, there are ways too help you, you don't have to do this. Especially not alone." He was almost pleading.

Couldn't he see? I was just a child? Could he not see that? I couldn't do this no matter what! I couldn't even take care of myself. Let alone someone else.

'This-this thing' this angel, I couldn't have it in my life.

I know it's not its fault but I would be no good for it. It would kill me.

"I have too do this Dr Cullen" I tried too talk without faltering my speech.

I stood up getting ready to leave. I couldn't breath. I needed to get out of here and fast.

"No, No you don't Bella" With that Dr Cullen walked passed me and gave me a folded bit of white paper and walked out of the room leaving me too run out of there, straight passed Miss Lark and the passed out old dude onto the streets.

Looking down on the paper Dr Cullen had passed me was my next appointment and a picture of my sweet wee innocent baby that was all curled up inside me. Safe from the rest of the world until another 6 and a bit months. The tears now fell freely down my face.

What have I done to get myself here?


	3. Chapter 3

Walking my way back to 'my home' I was even scared-er now than I was when I went to see Dr Cullen. What if Avalon kicks me out? Where would I go?

I had to tell Avalon the truth. My baby bump is 'just' starting to show. If I don't tell her now she's going to find out soon.

Breathing the best I could I walked In the front door of the house and shoved the paper and photo into my blue skinny jeans pocket.

"Hi Bella!" Screamed wee Thomas as soon as I stepped foot In the door.

"Hey there wee man" I bent downs and ruffled his brown curly short locks. Thomas was Avalon's real son. You see Avalon looks after kids who have no parents or any family. She takes them all in and tries her hardest too find them all great loving homes. She has officially adopted only 3 children and Thomas is her only real child. Since I was 9 I have been living in this house. Even now 5 years later I still hate too think of this place as my home. Avalon is lovely! Don't get me wrong. She gives you everything any child or person ever needs except she is just not my mum. I'm the oldest in this place. Avalon did offer to adopt me but I said no.

I didn't mean to offend her but she seemed to only offer to adopt me because she feels sorry for me.

Calling out for Avalon, I hear her voice come from the kitchen.

"Hey Bella, How was your walk? You were gone along time" Her light almost red, blond curls bounce as she wonders around the kitchen baking what looks to be biscuits? Who knows?

"Aww-yeah it was fine" just spit it out Bella, Just spit it out

I could feel my heartbeat pick up. Keep calm, just keep calm Bella

"Coul-Aw" Spit the damn words out Bella!

Avalon noticing I couldn't form English probably at the moment decided to turn around and look at me.

Her Piecing blue eyes stared at me. They weren't as gentle as Dr Cullen's.

"What is it Bella honey?" Avalon turned back to her baking. Her Slim figure continued on around the kitchen.

Breath

"I'm pregnant Avalon!" I whimpered out.

I lowered my head down in shame. And all that could be heard was the tin bowl that once was in her hand tumble into the stainless steel sink.

Avalon spun around and looked at me, but I wouldn't look her in the eyes. I was ashamed.

"W-h-HAT?"

"I-I-m sorry" I whispered

" Your 14 years old Bella! And your SORRY!"

"What 14 year old innocent girl would go around and HAVE SEX? How do you even know what sex is!"

She was mad.

Tell her Bella, just tell her.

Breath, don't cry Bella. Be strong.

Avalon was still yelling but I tuned her out and tried to practice breathing.

I could feel the wet drops about too spill out of my eyes.

"One that was raped" I whimpered out, I was scared I didn't even say it at all. I said it too quietly.

Silence

That's all that could be heard was complete silence.

"What did you just say?" Avalon whispered. By the look in her face Avalon had clearly heard what I just said. So I didn't say anything. I stood there silently.

"When"

"3 months ago"

"H-How" she had tears coming down her face.

I felt horrible. I was the cause of those tears. I had hurt her.

'That night, Avalon, me, Thomas and her 3 other adopted kids went to Seattle for dinner since we hadn't done something like that for awhile.

I begged Avalon if we could go to the bookstore. She said I could.

We had our dinner and had a few laughs. The waitress even tried to flirt with Avalon. It was hilarious. We left the diner and Thomas started to get upset. Avalon said she would take me back to the bookstore another day. I convinced her that ill be ok too walk there quickly while she sorted Thomas out. She didn't like that idea at first but I convinced her anyway.

It was wrong, I should of just listened to Avalon and let her take me another day but I was a horrible person and too stubborn for my own good.

Going around the dark corner from where the car was parked I first saw them.

Three of them. And they hurt me. All of them. But only one had the guts too rip away my innocence. If I had of screamed Avalon would have been able to hear me but one held a knife to my throat if I dared screamed.'

Avalon was crying. And so was I.

I took the picture out of my pocket and looked at my baby.

I handed it too Avalon.

"I'm giving it up for adoption" I looked at Avalon's face when I said this to see how she would feel about it.

She let nothing else show.

"That would be best" With that she turned and walked out of the room.

My hand was still outstretched with the picture still between my fingers. She didn't even want to look at it.

And at the moment ether did i.


End file.
